Lost Along The Way
by fixmeeverlark
Summary: Catching Fire AU
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello, my name is Gloria and this is my first hunger games fanfiction. I'm italian so I apologize for any english mistakes. This is gonna be a multi chapter Catching Fire AU fanfiction which means I'm going to try and make it as different as possible, even the characters a little bit. I hope you like it though and let me know what you think :)**_

_''Today, we celebrate the third Quarter Quell! On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors!''_

What does it mean? Existing pool of victors? Then, I get it. District Twelve only has three existing victors to choose from. One female, two male... A scream escapes my mouth as realization hits me.

I am going back into the arena.

Before I even know it, I've gotten up from the couch where I was sitting with my mom, her sister and that stupid cat, and I'm crying, running to the only place where I feel safe. The woods.

_How could this happen?_

I don't know how long I stay here for, crying my eyes out and cursing every single human alive when I hear a noise. I'm up in an instant, raising my bow and holding an arrow aimed at the direction where the noise came from, ready to shoot. __It's not like I'm not going to die in a few weeks, anyway.__I have to keep Peeta alive first, then die. Somehow. I know he won't kill me if I ask him to and if we're the only two victors left. I have to protect him, keep him safe, make sure he comes out of that arena and back in district twelve alive and well. Even if it means I'll have to die. That's the promise I make to myself.

''Catnip... '' I hear my best friend and hunting partner's voice for the first time in months.

He's still the same guy I saw for the last time months ago. His hair looks darker and there are bags under his eyes. _Has he slept at all? _

He came to visit me after I won the games. He was there hugging me, comforting me, whispering how happy he was that I was home. That is, until we had a fight later on and he disappeared. My fake love story with Peeta still annoyed him, which annoyed me even further after I tried to explain it all, about Peeta, about mine and Haymitch's messages and our strategy to survive. To play along with the Gamemakers. I've been dragged into an arena, almost starving, trying to survive the threats that the gamemakers had brought into the arena, fighting to death, killing innocent children who wanted to survive and win and go back to their families and all he could think about is Peeta? It's none of his goddamn business, anyway.

''Hi.'' I say, my tone cold and I'm sure he can feel I'm still mad. Pissed or not, he still knows me better than anybody else.

''Hey. Listen, Catnip, I want to apologize. I'm sorry. I miss you. These last months have killed me. I miss going hunting with you, I miss talking to you about everything. I want my bestfriend back. I know I've been a dick to you, after all you went through and I'm so sorry.'' He says, and for a minute I believe he's going to cry. Wow. __Gale Hawthorne doesn't cry.__

''Decided that because you know in a few weeks I'm going to die?'' I snap.

''You're not going to die.'' He says, firmly.

''And what makes you think that?''

''What makes __you__think that. You won, and you're going to win this time too. I know it. You're stronger than they are. We could still run, you know. Leave the district, run and just go. Live in the woods. I'd protect you. I'd keep you safe. No one would find us.'' he says, never taking his eyes off of me.

''We.. we can't, you're wrong Gale. And you know it. You know how strong President Snow and the Capitol actually is. They would find us in a heartbeat and they would hang us, torture us or cut out our tongues. Or hurt our families. What then? Who protects them? That's a possibility, Gale. I would never let them hurt Prim or mother because of a stupid choice I make. And what about Peeta? I can't just run away and abandon him while he goes to die in that arena. No one will be there to protect him. I can't.''

''So is that the reason? Is it about baker boy? He's not your responsability. You don't have to protect him!'' he screams. Here we go. __Of course that's the only thing his mind registers.__

''Gale! Stop it!'' I yell back.

''I couldn't do that to my family! Or Peeta, they would take them, kill them for information they wouldn't have! Don't you understand? We can't. I-I'm sorry but I have Peeta to take care of now, and Prim and mother. You have Posy, Rory, what about them? Huh? I could never leave Peeta alone in that arena, Gale.''

''You love him.''

''I care about him. I don't love him. We had this conversation, Gale. I had to do that to survive! Would you rather see me dead? Gale do you understand you hurt me by saying that!''

He lowers his head ''Catnip, don't say that, please.''

I don't have time to answer because then his mouth is on mine and he's kissing me. And he's kissing me passionately and desperately. I'm completely and utterly shocked, unable to speak or move or do anything. __What am____I doing? He's my bestfriend! __''Katniss. I love you. Are you at least going to try and come back? I c-can't sit there and watch you die. I love you.'' He says.

''Gale... I-I.. can't. I can't do this. I have to save him thi-''

I don't have time to finish before he turns and leaves, leaving me even more confused.

I spend a little more time sitting there on my knees, crying with my head in my hands, before I make up my mind and run as fast as I can to Haymitch's house in the Victor's Village, hoping not to find Peeta there. Without having to ask I already know he went and begged him to save me in the arena, to protect me and not him, but it's not gonna be like that, not this time. I'm breathing heavily, my eyes puffy from all the crying.

I don't know why but I knock on Haymitch's door. Once, twice. The third time I give in and decide to come in. He's probably passed out from all the drinking, anyway.

His house is a mess. It's the same as mine, but his looks much darker and more dirty. Bottles are shattered all over the floor. _Does he ever clean this house? _

As expected, he's there. Passed out or sleeping. Holding a bottle that's already open in his hand. His stomach is on the table and his hair looks gray. _He needs a bath. _I think. I take a moment deciding whether I should wake him with another bucket of water but before I can make a decision, he senses my presence and wakes up. I see my puffy eyes in his. _Has he been crying? I've never seen him cry._

''Oh, look who's here! The girl on fire!'' he says, loudly and clearly still drunk. Well what's new. ''To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, sweetheart?'' He says.

''I need a drink. Give me that bottle.'' I say as I take the bottle from his hand and take a sip. ''You're going to save him.'' I begin. It's not a question, it's a statement.

''Here we go, suddenly the girl on fire cares so much about lover boy that she wants to sacrifice herself. Where were you earlier, anyway? When the boy was here begging me to save you in that arena.'' I knew it.

''I was in the woods. I had to run away and calm down, Haymitch. Then I met Ga-''

''Exactly, sweetheart.'' I glare at him as I take another sip.

''We had a fight, me and Gale. He wants to escape, run away and live in the woods.''

''You know you can't.''

''I know.''

''So what do you want? Make it quick, sweetheart. You're wasting my time.''

''Haymitch! We have to save him, this time. He's better than all of us. He has to come back. He has to live. Promise me, Haymitch. You have to promise me. Peeta lives, not me. You have to do whatever it ta-'' I stop when I hear someone with loud footsteps enter the room. I don't have to turn around to know who it is.

Peeta. _Shit._

''Katniss.'' he whispers. I turn around and we make eye contact for a moment, without saying anything, before I look down. _How much has he heard? _

''So, how much have you heard?'' I snap, still looking down.

''Most of it.'' he says calmly as I look away and move the bottle to my mouth. I'm about to take another sip when he stops me and he takes the bottle in his hand and throws it in the trash bin. Suddenly, I'm annoyed.

''What do you want?'' I ask, glaring at him.

''Katniss, what are you doing?''

''What are _you _doing. I'm not doing anything, not anymore. Who do you think you are?'' I say, looking at the bottle on the trash bin.

''Are you drunk, Katniss? How much have you drank?'' he says, then he glares at Haymitch who has a grin on his face. Obviously enjoying the fight.

''Am not. And it's not any of your business. Leave me alone.'' His mouth opens and I think he's about to protest again but then it closes and he moves towards me. Before I can react his hands are clamped around my waist and I'm being thrown over his shoulder.

I kick and scream and hit his back, but it's no use. He's strong and muscular so I give in and let him carry me to his house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Here's some fluffy af everlark. Enjoy. **

I can't even think as he carries me. All I can focus on is the feel of his strong hands against my skin and my waist where he's holding me and it's sending shivers down my spine even in this position. He leaves Haymitch's house, closing the door with his foot. I shiver when a wave of coldness washes over me. He just holds me tighter, laughing then jumping a little and making me giggle.

_Did I just giggle._ What the hell was that. I don't remember the last time I giggled. No one other than Prim has ever given me a reason to. _Katniss Everdeen does not giggle. _I guess everything with Peeta is different now.

I don't notice we've arrived until my feet touch the floor and I'm brought back to reality by the smell of bread and something else I can't quite catch. Maybe cookies. I've never had cookies. I don't remember the smell, I can only remember when Prim was five or six, once a month, I would spend the entire day in the woods trying to catch meat to trade to have some for Prim and make her smile. Cookies are her favorite. And Peeta knows it. He thinks I haven't seen him but every week, he'll come in when he thinks everyone is still asleep and he'll give her a bag of cookies or sweets from the night before to make her smile and happy. He's been doing that since we came home from the games, even when me and him didn't talk. Peeta's always been so _kind _and _good _and just _amazing._

I've never been a cuddly person but that makes me smile and go to him. I wrap my hands around his neck and hug him, letting him know that he's not alone. That he'll always have me. That I appreciate him and I care about him. Again, everything with Peeta is different. I am different. He lowers his head since he's taller than me and I feel him smile in the crook of my neck and right now I am happy. I forget about all of my problems, I forget about the fight I had with Gale earlier today, I forget about Snow and the arena and everything.

''Are you okay?'' he whispers, his breath tickling my neck.

''I am now.'' I say, hoping that he's not too close to feel my blush somehow.

''Do you want to go upstairs and rest? I bet you're tired.'' he asks as he moves his hand up to the back of my head and caresses my hair. The soothing gesture relaxes me and makes me smile. _If you don't stop I'm never going to let go._

''I won't be able to, anyway. Not after the announcement, dealing before it happened was hard enough. I-I've been having nightmares so I haven't slept. And Prim, she's so grown up now but I don't wanna scare her. I'm not usually... you know.. normal... when I wake up from a bad nightmare. I don't wanna make her terrified of her own sister.'' I say, suddenly feeling shy as I confess this to him. _Because I trust him_. From his expression it looks like he's in pain. I know what this is. This is _my _Peeta blaming himself for something that is not his fault.

''Prim... she loves you Katniss. You don't have to deal with this alone. Come here.'' he says, taking my hand and leading me upstairs. He sits on the edge of the bed.

''I'll stay here while you sleep. I won't go anywhere, I promise. You need to sleep, Kat.'' _Kat. _Usually I would feel uncomfortable and I would certainly snap at him but I decide to let go. I'm too tired and vulnerable and not drunk but not sober either.

''I-I'm scared.'' I say, biting the inside of my cheek.

''Katniss. Listen to me. You're fine. You're safe. You're okay here with me. K-Katniss... I don't wanna bring this up right now but I have to let you know. I... I didn't hear everything you said to Haymitch, but most of it. And I'm not going to let you. I won't let you die for me to live. I'd be dead anyway, without you. I would follow you right away. But for now, I'll do anything to protect you with my life.''

I try and fight back the tears, failing miserably. ''No, Peeta! You c-can't do that! What about you? I've been so selfish, you deserve to win! to come back, move on, I'm not saying you have to forget about me but find some girl you deserve, a girl you'd be happy with.. who's not broken lik-... get married and have children and have a wonderful life! That's something you always wanted. I know that. Can't you see that! P-Peeta... I-I care about you.''

He smiles at me before he starts massaging my hand with his thumb, tears welling up in his blue eyes. ''Katniss, can't _you _see that there would be no life for me in District Twelve. If yo-o-u...'' he says, his voice trembling. He stops for a few seconds to take a deep breath before he continues. ''I couldn't go back to a place where everything reminded me of you. You can't expect that from me. I _do know _I could find another girl, but I refuse to. No girl would be like you, Katniss Everdeen. No one would be _you._''

_Peeta Mellark is too good for this world. And I'm too selfish. Haymitch was right. I could live a hundred lives and never deserve this boy._

''P-Peeta... don't go.''

''I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay here with rest.'' he murmurs.

''Co-ould you maybe... hold me until I fall asleep?'' I ask in a barely audible whisper I'm not sure he hears. I'm sounding too stupid and weak but I don't care. All I want right now is to be in the arms of the man I care about and have a peaceful sleep with no nightmares. They never come when I'm with him. The victory tour was enough proof. I feel hope and warmth spread throughout my chest the moment he gets up and comes to lay in front of my body, turning so he's facing me. We look at each other for a few minutes before he closes his eyes and wraps his arms around me. Keeping his promise, keeping me safe in his arms.

A few more minutes pass and I'm about to fall into unconsciousness when I feel my body freeze as he whispers ''I love you. I will never let anything hurt you.''

I don't know what time I wake up but when I do, I rub a hand over my face feeling relieved and relaxed. I was exhausted and _I had forgotten what a long night of peaceful sleep feels like._ I glance over at the clock on the wall full of colorful paintings, the sunlight making me squint. _He sleeps with the windows open. _11 am. _Woah, again._ Then I notice the other side of the bed is cold.

I start to panic. I know I shouldn't, but I do. Where's Peeta? Maybe he just went to the bakery. It's pretty late. …... It's saturday. _He doesn't work on saturdays. _

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I feel like I'm back in the arena. A wave of anxiety sweeps through my body that reacts before my mind does. ''Peeta!'' I scream. ''Peeta!'' I scream again. I'm about to get up and run and look for him everywhere when he comes in running, breathing heavily just like he did when I had a nightmare on the victory tour. He's shirtless, his hair wet.

''K-Katniss!'' He says, his mouth wide open.

''Peeta.'' I say and throw my shaking arms around his neck, holding him tight. He puts a hand on my back.

''Katniss, what happened? Did you have a nightmare?'' He asks, trying to pull away but I don't let him. At least, not yet. After a minute or so, I pull away and put my hands on his chest and then on either side of his face as to make sure he's really here. He's alive. He hasn't left me.

''No I-I-I woke up and you.. you weren't here! I thought we were back in the arena and I-I started to panic... I'm sorry.'' I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

''You scared me, Katniss. I thought you were having a nightmare o-or something was happening. You were screaming really bad and I was ha-ving a shower in the other bathroom down the hallway.. I didn't want to wake you. You looked so at peace and you don't have that scowl on your face when you sleep. How did you sleep, by the way?'' He says with a grin, studying my face.

''I-I... I'm sorry. And yeah, it was good. No nightmares.''

He studies my face once again. I feel like I should say something else, but he speaks first. ''Hey. Stop apologizing. It's okay. You feel like having breakfast?'' I shake my head. ''You need food in your system, Katniss. I believe you've had a rough day, yesterday. You'll feel better. For me, please.'' He pauses ''Hey, do you want to help me bake?'' I look at him, he offers me a smile.. however it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He looks desperate. He looks exhausted. _He's worried about me. _I don't deserve him. He shouldn't have to deal with this. With me. I'm too broken. But I'm also selfish, and I hate myself for it. I give him a small nod.

''So what are you going to bake?'' I ask, as he leads me down the hallway, which is completely clean and full of paintings of rainbows, children, and lakes, and we reach the kitchen.

''What are _we _going to make.. is pancakes!'' he says, letting out a small little squeal of excitement. He really does know how to ease the tension.

''Peeta.'' I laugh, trying hard not to ruin his mood. ''_You_ know and _I_ know I'm a literal mess in the kitchen. Are you sure you want to do this?'' He nods, taking both of my hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

''Alright, let's get started, devil woman!''

I don't know how to move, or what to do. I've never done this before. I start looking for the ingredients. _What do you need to make pancakes? _I take some eggs and milk from the fridge, and I'm looking for the flour when I turn around and see him. Looking at me with a wide grin on his face and a bag of flour in his hands. He keeps staring at me and I'm about to ask what's wrong. It takes me a minute to realize what he's doing and I glare at him. If glares could kill, he'd be dead within a second.

''Put. The. Flour. Down.'' I demand.

''Or what?'' He says, with a cocky smile.

''Or I-'' I don't have time to finish before the flour hits me square in the face and falls to the floor, leaving my face all white and sticky. ''P-Peeta Mellark!'' I yell, making a disgusted face at him but he's too busy laughing his ass off. ''Look at you! You're all white!'' That's when I reach into the bag of flour and grab a handful. I pull it out and he's still laughing so I decide to throw the whole bag at him.

''Katniss! Ouch!''

''You're the one who threw flour at my face!'' Before I knew it, we're throwing stuff at each other. Both laughing like crazy. _This is the happiest I've been in a long time._ I think.

''You look so pretty, even covered in flour.'' He says out of nowhere and I hope there's enough flour on my face to cover my blush. I look at him, in those beautiful blue eyes that make me lose track of time and space. I'm about to take advantage of this perfect, happy moment and get closer and kiss him when we're both startled by the loud gong of a bell chiming in district 12.

_The Reaping._


End file.
